Dating Nightmares… The “Hey You” text

Category: EmpowermentHappinessMental HealthRelationships


We’ve all been there… a guy comes on to us, drops a decent pickup line. He’s sexy, he’s charming, he’s alarmingly single. Yeah… Alarmingly. Why is a guy like THIS single?

He takes us out. He’s attentive, attractive… what’s not to like? He calls us for another date, then another. We’re trying to be cautious, but we’re hooked.

Then one day he promises to call. And doesn’t. We wait. And wait. And wait. We really do have more self-respect than this. Honest. It’s just that he’s SO damned hot. And he really seemed to be as into us as we (reluctantly) were into him. We wait some more. He still doesn’t call. Finally, we swallow our pride and send a text… “Hi. How was your day? :)”

We wait for the response.

No response.

“Aw, crap,” we think. “I shouldn’t have texted him. Now the ball’s in his court. I was supposed to play hard to get. What if he doesn’t lob it back? Nah. He probably just got in a car wreck or something. Or his Grandma died. I couldn’t have read the signals THAT wrong, could I?” Suddenly, this guy has taken a perfectly confident woman and turned her into a neurotic twit.

We watch a Seinfeld rerun and pretend we don’t care. The hour grows late. We snuggle down into the sheets and turn out the light… but unlike most nights, our phone isn’t set to “silent”. It’s set to LOUD.  We look something like this:


Then…….. Juuuuuust as both eyelids begin to feel like they have twin grand pianos taped to them… Puh-DING!

The text.

We smile quietly to ourselves, breathing a sigh of relief we’d never admit to as we confidently reach down for our phone, fully awake now, and read the text from Prince Charming:

“Hey, you. ;)”

Seriously? How do we respond to that?

The Hey-You text generally means one of a few things:

1) It means he’s not as interested as he appeared to be. Something happened… he met another girl, maybe. The point is, the Hey-You is a usually a distancing move. Kind of like when someone says, “Hi, (your name)!” and we can’t remember their name so werespond with, “Heeeeeey…. you…..”

2) He’s socially clueless. Also not a good thing. Some guys – let’s face it – are simply poor communicators. Do we really want to spend the rest of our lives with a guy who constantly sends confusing signals?

3) He’s really busy at the moment.

So how DO we respond to the Hey-You text? Well, it depends on a number of factors, really. How into this guy are we, really? Is it worth beating our head against a proverbial brick wall in either of the above cases?

First, we need to take a moment to put things into perspective. We asked a question: “How was your day?”. His answer wasn’t an answer at all. The lack of an answer speaks volumes.

Regardless of his reason for not providing an answer, he also did not provide much opportunity to continue the conversation. A guy who was not socially inept or who was highly interested would have attempted to engage us in conversation, unless he’s really busy.

So we don’t respond at all. We put our phone on silent, snuggle down into the sheets and put Mr. Hey-You on the back burner. Perhaps indefinitely.


If he wasn’t interested, we won’t hear from him tomorrow, unless he’s looking for a booty call. Keep an eye out for that.

If he’s socially clueless, he might call or text us tomorrow and try to engage us in conversation. Gauge his opening line and demeanor carefully. If he says, “Hey, sorry about the abrupt text last night. I was watching a movie with my nephew…” that might be forgivable. However, if he goes on like nothing happened, be aware that it will likely happen again.

No matter  how strong and independent we gals might be, there’s always a little uncertainty when our hearts are in play. Let’s remind ourselves… He might or might not like us, but it’s more important whether WE genuinely like HIM.

Have you ever received a Hey-You text? If so, what was the outcome?


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